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The work trip to Lisbon is coming up fast and while I am mostly prepared to deliver, physically I am far from it. On one of the nights there is a dinner that requires a suit, and I am dreading having to try on mine. I have several, but I had to buy a new one the last time I needed one because *my bones have grown* (too fat), and that was only six months ago. 

Will it still fit?

*I hope so.*

There is not enough time to lose the weight and, not enough time to buy a new one. So, whatever it is, it'll have to do, regardless. 

![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23y9FAY57pNAUTWYpjMrBwsoPKMuXmCxsDKFxL4oNeWf12qWPuXb4iAprtzjGD311V9Qm.png)

It is not like I am rolling about from place to place, and perhaps for people in their mid-forties, I am not in such bad shape at all, for me though, I *feel it.* So, I believe I am ready to actually do something about it. 

The fat weight is about diet, but I have always been pretty heavy in relation to my height, but also athletic. For example, my max bench press was 135kg (297lb) and at the same time, I was able to static box jump to a height of 130cm (51in) - but that was a *very* long time ago...

>No it wasn't.

*It was less than five years ago.*

>What happened to me?

*Perhaps Hive.*

But, it isn't just that I was sitting here writing, it is also that at the same time and what was the catalyst for me joining Hive in the first place, family took priority. With so many challenges faced one on top of the other and back to back, I just ran out of time, energy and perhaps *my will* to keep myself healthy and functioning well physically. And now, I am in that frame that *something has to be done* before I degrade further, and get burdened with more of the consequence of "letting oneself go". 

The consequences are far ranging and they impact on pretty much every aspect of our physical, mental and emotional health, at least they do on mine. I feel uncomfortable, I don't like the way I look, I don't think clearly, I am  also lethargic, unmotivated and my confidence suffers - among many other things. 

>So why let myself get this far?

Remembering that I am not *that far"* out of shape, I think one of the reasons that it is possible to get very out of shape is that we acclimatize to "new normals" quickly. And because these changes happen quite slowly, unless paying attention, we can add a little here and there until it is more than a little and a molehill, has become a mountain - or a roll, has become a tire.

I don't like the supposed "body positivity" culture that wants to normalize being overweight, because it is all about the looks side of thing, without looking into how overweight people actually feel. They say "be comfortable in your own skin", but berate overweight people who have chosen to lose weight, as if they are only doing it for the looks side of things because of social pressure. 

>No, it feels crap for most people to be overweight, regardless of what society's opinion is.

Yet, the media conveniently leaves off how terrible it can feel for someone's stomach to get in the way of them putting on their shoes, or being out of breath climbing stairs, or having to buy a new suit, when they have several perfectly good ones in the closet. Not to mention the myriad other issues that come with being overweight, now and in the future. 

The last week has been hectic and the next two are going to be more so, but I am going to go to the gym at least four times this week and hopefully squeeze in a session or two whilst on a work trip next week, because regardless of whether it helps me lose weight, it makes me *feel better* physically and mentally. 

It has nothing to do with anyone else's journey, as that is their business, but I do wonder how so many are able to defend being unhealthy, when they themselves are clearly suffering in multiple ways daily, blaming others for the way they feel. 

I don't care about my weight.
*I do care about my wellbeing.*

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]


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