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>If you became successful, would your friends like you?

Observation suggests.... 



![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23zbUFoY925osCrXeCoTpgWsaJ4izmGSqhuyKpvNyVGscvmMakBhBndyeXD91z1wbz6Be.png)

## Hell no.

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*What's with that? Is it jealousy? Does it force self-reflection on personal failure? Does it make them feel better about their own situation?*

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I know from my own experience that there are some people who far preferred me when I was working a shitty job and struggling to pay the bills. People preferred it when my wife and I lived in a small apartment. People seem to like being better than others so much, that they will distance themselves from friends who might "outperform" them. At least in their eyes. As after all...

>*Who defines success?* 

In Finland for example, people don't mind foreigners (in general) and are happy for them to do well - *just not too well.* As soon as a foreigner *appears* to be doing okay, there seems to be a pushback against it, as if they are taking the position of a local - *someone who deserves it more.* 

>*For those who have moved into a significantly different culture - has it been an easy road?*

Unlikely. It is generally a "start from scratch" situation and comes laden with a more difficult path to overcome, as like it or not, there are still prejudices in society that impact on opportunity. Occasionally they work in one's favor - but usually not. However, it could be because of facing these obstacles, a person becomes more resilient (if they don't go the other path and turn bitter), giving them an advantage and perhaps, a work ethic that stands out from the crowd, leading to overcoming some of the obstacles and increasing opportunity. 


But, it isn't just foreigners like myself who find this, locals too. My wife has started noticing it from some of her friends I think, but she doesn't want to acknowledge that this is the reason. People have started to treat her differently in the last few years since we got the house and she has a job that many might envy in some way, as the company is well-known as a good employer. For now, she keeps finding other excuses as to why they act a certain way, but for me, I have seen it before, so recognize it for what it is. 

Personally, I don't think it is jealousy directly, as I do think that most friends at least *want to be happy* for their friend's success. I think that our own humanness and desire to compete can override our best intentions however, making it hard to be happy when someone else is seen as "winning". It doesn't matter what the full landscape looks like in this regard, as there is a focus on the trees, not the forest and, there is often low visibility into other aspects anyway - like the effort that went into getting that single tree to grow or, all the other parts of life that are failing. 

There is also the "you changed" belief system too, where people think because someone has changed, they are no longer the person they knew before, and this is often seen as a negative. However, we are all changing all of the time, and what might actually be happening in the case of "success" change, is that the person could be identical in personality, with the only thing shifting being the circumstances themselves. 

Humans relationships are interesting I think, as while we are genetically programmed to need each other, we are also genetically programmed to push each other away, making the dynamic complicated and full of conflict. Even when we want to behave differently, in order to do so, we have to overcome our own humanness that is working against us. So much of religion is to deny temptation, but temptation is more than just seeking pleasure, it is the temptation to be aggressive and destructive too. As, even though we can feel bad for it, the "price to pay" might be worth it in order to see someone else suffer.

Of course, we are able to make new friends to replace the old, but there is a loss in this process too, as a new friend will never know the past of us, there will be another "starting from scratch" process beginning. Not only that, there is a loss of "growing together" experience, which could be ironically a big part of the problem in the growing apart process also. Friendships are often made and built through periods of life where each member is doing a similar thing, on a similar path, but those paths start to diverge through careers, taking people into new experiences, as well as now opportunities for success and failure. Then, after "all we've been through together" we end up in very different places physically, financially and in regard to our other relationship landscape - our partners, children, colleagues. 

>*Suddenly, we seem so different.*

Maybe this is just the way life is meant to be, that relationships have their seasons and while we grow together in some phases, in order for us to grow as individuals, we have to also grow apart to bring new people into our lives to challenge us, support us and, who are the kinds of people we are also willing to support and need what we bring to the table. Perhaps jealousy is an evolutionary process that makes us want to be better, try harder, or break away from one another so we don't hold each other back.

>We are a flawed design.

Some will say we are "made in the image of perfection" but if this is perfect, that maker of ours is a broken individual. Why design such a conflicted system, one that struggles to do what is right for itself, let alone for others. Why is it that we can't stick to a diet that will improve our health, looks and the way we feel, yet we are still expected to adhere to complex set of social norms? And if we don't, we are punished.

If we expect so much from others, we should at least expect the same from ourselves. Unfortunately though, we are far too broken for that, so instead of fulfilling best intentions, we create conflicts where there needn't be any, amongst ourselves *and within ourselves.* 

We are a weird species of animal, are we not?

>No matter how successful we are - we are all losers to someone.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]



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