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We are back home and getting Smallsteps, after a Mother's Day away. Smallsteps didn't know we were staying until Sunday in Estonia, but I made sure that her gifts she had created made the journey, so that when we surprised her with the extra night away, she wasn't upset. 

What was nice as we were walking toward the boat to leave and come home, was we asked what the best part of the trip was, and she added 

>"Yesterday - *all of it.*"

![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23wCBXwgvXhvai42oNJxZh9R6C8hgNSp1zu2v1Y8d9uudm72Ygb9j5bDMzdPBWebWKR1t.jpg)

> It was a good day. 

I don't know what made it so good, but I think that it just ran pretty well, with little complaints from anyone and a lot of laughs. I am hoping that we are able to have more of these kinds of days, without having to be away from home too far to enjoy them. We aren't travelling out of Finland again this summer, but we do plan on doing a few day trips, or perhaps a night in another city. We want to do a beach trip to the coast this year, as we have only ever managed one, and the other times we have tried, Smallsteps was ill and then the weather was a disaster. 

But, I plan on *locking the good day away* as a reminder that it is possible to have good days. Sometimes, it is easy to forget, because so much effort and attention goes into other parts of our lives, like illness and allergies. It is hard to ignore these things a lot of the time, and it can take a lot of energy from the day. Yesterday, while we had to do a bit of that, it wasn't as much as other days and I think it felt more like it would for "normal" (there is no normal) families. 

We definitely don't have it as hard as some parents do, but it can be this constant weight and it always takes extra consideration, and it takes out some of the fun of spending time together. Rather than having conversations that matter, we have to have too many discussions around planning, and food. I dislike talking about food, checking menus days ahead of time to see if they have anything we can eat, and then getting there and finding out (like we did twice on the trip) that they "didn't get a delivery" of the thing we were counting on. 

>It takes out the spontaneity. 

I was talking the other day about how *adventure starts when plans go wrong,* but there are some exceptions to that perhaps, when there is a hungry and disappointed kid, and still nowhere clear to get food from. It isn't an adventure when just going from place to place asking if they have anything suitable, and ending up at a corner supermarket scraping together something that resembles a meal - after spending a few days hyping up having a fantastic gluten-free burger. 

> Could be worse.

For sure it could, but as you can probably tell, this has been a large part of our lives for many years and it has been a constant consideration. It is at times like being stuck in a loop, where we are unable to move on from it, even though we have made progress over the years and it isn't nearly as bad as it was. But, I wonder sometimes what kinds of experiences we would have had, had we not had to spend so much time on this kind of thing. It is a similar question I have for myself regarding my own illnesses.

> What else would I have spent my time doing?

*Maybe nothing.
Maybe everything.*

At least, we have one great day locked away and perhaps, it will be the start of more to come. I am always hopeful that things will get better, but I am also weary of setting expectations too high, as our experience hasn't supported *much better.* At least not quickly. Yet, I still think I have an awesome family, even if we are struggling to have awesome experiences.

But here we are, still plugging and trying, locking away as many special experiences that we can, when we can, even if they aren't that special. But it is telling that a day that many families would consider a normal day, is a standout day for our family. 

*Lock it away...*

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]


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