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Celebration time!

Tomorrow marks the first official day of summer, but today marks the end of Smallsteps' first year of school. It has been a bit of a mixed bag of a year all up for her I think, but in a few years time, she isn't going to remember much from it anyway. 

![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23w2nsaSaz7UoP9zQ6iviyg5eD3e6LWKyocDJkZLSwmVGHcHjSfwAanDECfBn8GgGWDiY.png)

At the moment we are reading Roald Dahl's book, *Boy,* which tells of his life and he mentions how little he remembers from his early years at school. There were only a few highlights that stood out, likely because they were lade with so much emotion. I don't think that Smallsteps has had such an emotional year at school this time, thankfully.

It is also the time of year that people graduate from high school and the tradition is that the family has a party for the school leaver, to mark the occasion. They invite friends and family from all around to visit for a couple hours to have some cake and a coffee, pass a present (often cash) to the graduating child, and leave again. I have only been to a few of these, but tomorrow we will go to another for a boy (now a man) that I have known since he was about five.

These events always remind me of one we missed though, which was my wife's nephew's. I was meant to take photos there, but the morning of the day, we awoke to Smallsteps having seizures and what without a doubt, the scariest moments of my life. As I held her in my arms whilst waiting for the ambulance, I didn't recognize her face, and her eyes were vacant. It was like I didn't know her at all, not much had changed, but everything was different. 

> I will never forget.

Isn't it strange how the longer we live, good times and bad times tend to blend together? So many experiences layer on top of one another, so at any point in the year, there is a collection of positive events and negative events, and which one gets highlighted depends on context and how we focus in the moment. Some people spend a lot of time trying to avoid the bad thoughts, because they lead to bad feelings, but I tend to spend time with bad thoughts, to help me learn how to manage my emotional responses to them, and my subsequent actions. 

As terrible as it was to see my daughter in that state, I was still able to remain calm and act accordingly without panic. I put this down to having mentally prepared for many negative outcomes, which had helped me through other difficult times in the not too distant past. Without that preparation process, I reckon I would have struggled far more. 

But at the same time, preparing for the worst probably takes some of the sheen off the best times. It doesn't take them away, but it likely knocks off their peaks to mirror the raising of the troughs. But, after having some pretty high times, and pretty low times in life, I do think it is better to limit the downside, but work for the upside. 

> I am doing the work.

I have also collected many layers of negative, so perhaps it is time there were some more positive events to act as a counterweight. It is not that positive things don't happen of course, there are plenty, but do they offset the negative - should they? 

I think that when we are younger we have this sense that life is meant to be fair, that it should all balance out in the end. as I get older, I realize that even if life does balance, it doesn't mean it balances for every individual life. Some individuals are going to get mostly positive, some are going to get mostly negative, which doesn't seem fair to us as humans, but nature doesn't care much about what we think. 

I think that the best I can work for is that my daughter will have a good life, at least an early life. Once she gets older, it is up to her how her world progresses, but I am hoping that she will have a good enough foundation that when she graduates and goes out into the world to strike a life, she will be prepared for both the hard times, and the good times. 

My own parents did very little in this regard for me.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]


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