https://i.imgur.com/kgDxXzD.jpg


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## <center>*365*</center>


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*In a year from now my time will end
with time left I will choose to spend
an hour here or an hour there
filled with regrets or a lack of care
smiles with the ones I love
tears at all that has been left undone
words unsaid, loves held back
on another day and another track
plenty of time to get things done
said the fool who didn't watch it run
slipping through fingers and sips
moments lost through cracks in drips
wasting away until another day
I will do it later I'd always say
and with a knowing nod received
another fell through deceived
will the day after the very last 
will it matter at all that I passed?*
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@anomadsoul gave the prompt [here](https://steemit.com/discussion/@anomadsoul/the-doctor-just-said-you-re-dying-in-one-year-or-how-will-you-spend-it) and instead of commenting, I have chosen to add a little more.

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Now, I do not really know what I would do with precision, but I think that emotionally I would be relatively ready for my own death. The trouble would be that I am not alone, I have a family and while I'd be gone, they will hopefully live on and lead full and happy lives, regardless of what they have lost. 

![IMG_20191204_183157.jpg](https://files.steempeak.com/file/steempeak/tarazkp/KuHezsne-IMG_20191204_183157.jpg)

A few years ago I [wrote something for my daughter before she was born](https://steemit.com/forthechildren/@tarazkp/the-endless-conversation-for-my-daughter-part-one-of-six) and committed it to the blockchain, just in case.

This was the last paragraph:

>For my unborn daughter, Your journey has started, the ripple has begun, the first strings pulled, your effects felt. You have already moved me to be my best for You and are now and forever a part of the universe. I look forward to meeting you, learning with you, adventuring, journeying and discovering together. I look forward to the discussion, listening to your music and seeing what piece you will play in the endless conversation.


I have now met her, I have discussed with her, I have listened to her songs and watched her grow. The only regret I would have with only one year to live is that I wouldn't have the chance to see what she will one day become. A year passes fast when it is the last and you spend it with those who no matter what, you will always want a moment more, another look, just to hear their voice one more time. 

How can one prepare? What would I say to her that would help her understand once she was old enough? All I can do is write and leave something for her of me to pick through, but it will never do it justice, I could never write enough words for her to know what she means. 

https://i.imgur.com/NnErzaT.jpg?1

While the fantasy would be to travel for the year, to make the last 365 days as memorable as possible, I am more practical than that and do not have the financial availability to do so *and* leave some stability behind. I would have to continue to work for some time in order to provide a little more and to of course, get things ready - prepare my keys, make sure they are going to be used well. 

For me, not much changes -  I do not care about being remembered in the sense of proof I have lived, but I do care that my actions lead on toward a somewhat better world. The memory of me isn't in my name or face, it is in what knock on effects happen past the end of my life. The best I can do in the last year is to do my best.

But in the last months, I would spend the time with those I love and travel the best we could,  even if it is to only one place, somewhere special, something memorable for my daughter - like a beach where she can play, a location where happiness is the default setting, even for a child. My wife would understand, she would be okay, she is stronger than me and a fierce mother, she will want the memories to be for her daughter - something that they can discuss when she is a little older - something to explain - something of which to remind - something to hold on to. 

I believe we as people overestimate our importance and influence on others, and underestimate our resilience and ability to survive and thrive. People say a child needs a parent, but they don't, they need someone who cares for them, supports them, nurtures them - someone who can demonstrate self-respect and love.

I do not need to experience more before I die, I do not have a bucket list, I do not care for memories I do not believe I am going to hold - I don't need anything special. Memories are nothing unless shared, like a good meal at a restaurant, it will always taste bland in comparison to sharing it with someone loved. So, in the last year of life I will spend my time doing the best I can to create memories in those I care for to help them in their life and perhaps they will do the same for others past my own.

We may all die alone, but we do not have to live that way. 

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]

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[![Onboarding](https://i.imgur.com/e6A1MiM.png)](https://steemonboarding.com/)</center>