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I bought some new memory cards for the trip, and was surprised at how expensive they were - 70€ for two. I picked them up at a camera store, then found out I got totally ripped off, as they are available at other places for 15€ each - I could have had four for the same price. And this got me thinking, what assholes they are, because now, I am unlikely to ever go back into that store for anything again and will instead, by my camera gear elsewhere - likely online. I will just go in there and see what is available, then source it elsewhere.

>It is a pity, because I would far rather support a local store.

Which is why I went out of my way to go into their store in the first place - but, there are limits as to how far I will go, to be taken advantage of. Especially in this economy.


![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23wqgR4zNBMxGWS59CWQJBb8HM1AuFmyFobSivtLE8k8qxuaaicBFDkS71ALuGjNoEZ4n.png)

And speaking of...

I was paying the bills today and as the money was quickly cleared from my account, I got that familiar sense of fear of not having enough. I also logged into my tax account to see how that was looking, and I am surprised I am getting a small return this year, since I underestimated my salary a little and was expecting to pay. Though, in the last couple months of last year, I paid back a lot more than my normal tax rate, which made the winter a little harder. 

I have a small business that I run and while it doesn't exactly bring in much these days (since Covid closures), there is at least something there. It doesn't put anything in my pocket at all, since most of it goes to pretax and compulsory superannuation, but I see it like a way to offset my total tax a bit, whilst building up my retirement.

As I have said before, I am *well behind* the retirement ball, because rebuilding a life here as a foreigner has meant spending years working for very little as a freelancer, until I was able to get a steady employed job that pays okay. I wish this wasn't the case, but it is what it is and the future will hold what it grabs. 

> I don't expect to retire.

Even if I did make it to retirement age, I would probably keep working because I don't see the point of sitting around doing crossword puzzles. However, I suspect I am not going to make it to that age anyway. I have had far too many health problems from a young age and more unexpected ones pile on top, that my body will unlikely be able to support life til old age. Older age maybe - not old. 

>I am okay with that.

What I am not okay with is having to struggle to that point, which is why I fear not having enough money. Sure, it is possible to live on next to nothing and sit at home whiling away the time, but I don't consider that much of a life. And, when there are so many pressures in other areas that affect our financial wellbeing and draw on our reserves, living in poverty becomes hard to ignore, it is always there. 

At this point, I can make ends meet, but often, whether it should or not, it feels like the *Sword of Damocles* is hanging over my head, suspended by the single hair of a horse's tail. At any moment, the wind could blow a little harder, and that thread snaps. In some sense, there is the terror, but  in another, there is some thrill, right?

It might not be comfortable, but there is still some kind of calm in the familiarity of walking the edge between success and failure. There is a challenge in it, which means surviving another day, week, month and year is an accomplishment. And, when there is so much uncertainty in the global economy, surviving is a reward in and of itself.

Much like through the crypto bear markets, the projects and people who survive to live on the other side, tend to do well and, have a greater sense of benefit from the rewards. While there is initial relief, that "overcoming adversity" feeling brings some kind of pride, and also proof of resiliency. This gets carried through the next bear also, and the next. In time, the bears feel very much like the bulls, minus a few zeroes. 

*When in doubt, zoom out,* and the line smooths, but this is the same for those who participate long term too, because when they zoom out, as long as they didn't go all in or all out on their actions, the experience follows the same trend line, mostly up. But, the volatility of the emotions are softened, without the peaks and cliffs. 

>Just plodding along. 

Looking back, we can see that we could have made far better moves, but looking forward, we know that there is still value to come, still a return on our investment. I paid twice more than I should have for the memory cards, but in the grand scheme of things, it isn't going to break me, and the value of the images I plan to take on them will far outweigh the sourness of the overspend. 

But, next time, I will buy elsewhere.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]


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