I spend a great deal of time in the mud. I am not sure if I am the happy pig or the workhorse though. Perhaps I should drop a few blue pills and smile ignorantly instead. I am not saying that what I spend my time doing or thinking about is so incredibly valuable, it just gives me an avenue to *feel* like I am working toward a goal larger than my own micro world of experience. Selfish?

Perhaps it is better to not worry about all of the troubles I *do* see and ignore them instead. I could do it, I have done it before. I have spent years of my life buried in computer games, out drinking with friends and wasting away mentally by avoiding thinking about anything deeper than who I would pick up that night to waste away the time until morning. For many, that is a good life. Was I happy though? Yes, it was easy, fun, pleasurable and meant close to nothing. 

https://i.imgur.com/6pBamHB.jpg

A long time ago I started looking into the mirror of myself and my place in the world at a deeper level and trying to work out what my purpose may be in this life. I am someone who believes we only have this life and some seem to think that leads to hedonism but, I disagree. For myself at least, it means that my time on this planet is limited but, there are many more to come after me and I have a debt to them now. I have to do something to leave this world better than when I came into it. 

I think we all have this same debt whether we take the responsibility for it as ours or shirk it off to others like leaving a baby on a doorstep. Although, the people who might do that are probably unfit to raise a child in a healthy environment anyway.

When it comes to my time here, the path has rarely been easy and even though I have had a fair bit of support at times in the past, I struggle like everyone else. I think the problem is that I have carried the same perspective I have of the real-world into an engineered environment and one I have very little influence over. It is not just stake though, it is also audience. 

I spend a lot of time kicking around in the mud and I don't think it is overly appreciated by those who are benefiting from making mud cakes of high value. Just like the real world that everyone has so adamantly rejected here, the behaviours are repeating and perhaps are in the fundamentals of the code itself. 

Whether intentional or not, so many are willing to look for any opportunity to get more than they deserve for the work they have put in. Like thieves who break in and steal a large flat screen television. Rather than do the work themselves, they live off the work of others. A different kind of middleman than the banks and governments but, not *so* different.

Some people look at others doing better than them and think that they must be privileged and in some way, don't *deserve* the support or position they hold. Do these people of judgement ever look a little more closely, do they actually pay attention? Do they acknowledge the background work? Unlikely. They are too busy thinking that they are victimised by the system and those above who hold their heads down. Are you really sure you are being held down from above? Perhaps you should have a look at the psychological hands holding your ankles instead.

No matter who we are or what circumstances we are born into, we can all do better each day. That better might seem so insignificant to the larger picture but it is that better that over a lifetime will add up to leaving the world in a condition above where we entered it. Is that easy, fuck no. 

It is the most difficult thing in the world because to be a little better than yesterday can only come from the self, from the individual. You wanted freedom, there it fucking is right there. No matter what life has provided you, it is you who is completely free to improve for tomorrow. It is you, the individual who demands a release from oppression but is unwilling to do the work to chip away at the chains. It is you who has the power to change your thinking and behaviour how ever slightly to improve your world. You.

And me.

So yeah, I kick around in the mud and get my hands and mind dirty because I am selfish. I selfishly want to have a meaning and purpose in this singular lifetime that regardless whether it is a reality or not, makes me feel that these years lived had value. For me that means creating a better tomorrow and what it takes is finding ways to act better now. 

You may not value it, you might not care, you might choose to avoid it all you want. Perhaps you will live a life of luxury and will be able to entertain yourself with the fastest cars and most beautiful partners, never having to think about the state of the world now, its future or, the opportunities you missed to improve it. Perhaps you won't achieve that status and will instead bury yourself into a Playstation or some other drug, the result would be the same though. It is your life, you *ARE* free.

Each day for me, supported or not, each day is the same. Just a little better...

Taraz
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