When I was young I was bullied. I have written about it before and won't go into it here. People are trying to stop bullying, they are wrong. Bullies are vital parts of the ecosystem, at least for now. They serve a purpose; reality.

I have never fit in to most places, I do not plan on ever fitting in. All of my life I have been underestimated, undervalued, underappreciated. That is okay with me, I like it this way, I am comfortable as an Underdog.

Being an underdog has its advantages as for the most part, it is easy to fly past the radars undetected as people largely ignore which means, time to myself. But, at times, people with small minds and weak hearts think the underdog is the easy target, a way to prove themselves without having to risk themselves. 

https://i.imgur.com/CGb0yye.jpg

One time at a bar, there was a big guy being an asshole to women on the dance floor, my friend said something to him and he got angry. He looked my friend up and down and realized he was built like a tank so, he swung at me, the guy half his height and size. I moved backward to avoid the blow but he clipped my lip and split it. 

It was the only swing he had a chance to complete before he was on the floor in the fetal position. That was almost 20 years ago and was the last time I ever punched someone. That was one of the few times in my life where instinct nearly completely took over my body and I let loose. 5 seconds of misery before I caught my hands. 

I am not an aggressive person but in those few seconds, I realized that if push comes to shove, I can shove back when required. There is a certain amount of confidence that brings but I felt ashamed at the loss of control. I have more ability now.

Perhaps it is because of my own position or perhaps it is the Australian culture but, I back the underdogs too. For me, if I have no skin in the game either way, I will support the team that is least likely to win, the undervalued or the unexpected. It has cost me a lot over the years as I am not the kind to play the games to get advantage at the expense of others. At least, not intentionally so. Backing the losers is not shined upon by the winners.

It has been the same here as for the most part, my Steemit development posts and work have all been toward increasing the developments for the entire community, not one particular group of it. Yes, I lean toward written and *traditionally* higher quality content but, in general I see that the future of community is in less gaps of distribution. Never confuse this with equal distribution though.

Equal doesn't bring out the best in people, equal doesn't create the tension between points, the polarization for attraction, the drive to be better. I don't want my wife to be equal to a man, I want her to have the opportunity to be her best as the woman she is and I support her as much as I can to have the space to be just that. And, as frustrating as it is, she doesn't want me to be like her either. Sure, it would make things easier but, there would be no space for the push and pull of attraction to take place, no space to learn from each other and no way to help each other improve. You don't have to agree, you have your own lives to live.

Very rarely in my life have I ever been called selfish or greedy, in fact, I do not remember a time. I have looked into that mirror to review though as it is the greed and maximization of individual worth that is leading to a very fractured community. I am not talking about here, I am talking globally. Steemit is just another instance of it, the difference being that many believe that it is fundamentally different... until you observe a little closer. 

I feel heavily tested here, I like that. I feel that I am challenged each day to question my moral self and my ethical standards. These have to be reviewed and adjusted from time to time as it is very possible that what one thinks is an ethical position at one point, turns out not to be in changed circumstances.

I have watched many people here that have changed their ethical positions and moral stances heavily over time and for the most part, for the worse. Often the idea of power corrupts is true because once it is tasted, they feel entitled to more. They become collectors. 

For me, the more stake I earned, the more responsibility I felt to the community who provided it. My personal ethics dictate this and again, it is costing me dearly, perhaps it will eventually cost me everything. 

These positions are because I am an eternal underdog though and always will be because no matter how others view me, this is how I view myself. No matter how many lives I get to live, I will never be satisfied with who I am, I am never going to stop. 

People say *'accept yourself the way you are'* but, that is generally a bullshit excuse to not take responsibility for personal thoughts, circumstances and behaviors. Accept yourself right now in this very moment but, in the very next instant, push for better.

The funny thing here is that I was hoping that I would be able to make a difference in people's lives and benefit along the way personally too. It might be a pipe dream as the support has to come from up higher but, be spread downward. That is not the general movement of value. 

Perhaps, I will never earn another dollar here other than my own staked vote. It could be that no one will ever read another one of my articles but, I hope that they have helped someone improve their life just a little in some way, even if they never attribute it to me. I don't care much for attribution, I care for distribution, I care for better action now for better circumstances tomorrow.

When it comes to value and support, the underdog will rarely have a lot because to have it means to lose the status, at least in the eyes of others. For me personally though, I will never lose my personal underdog status *and* I will always back myself in a fight.

This is a little bit of a personal ramble, do with it what you will. Also, research less and ramble more, there is much more value in personal discovery than parroted knowledge. 

Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]