In the last two days, I have had 4 conversations concerning instant gratification and the debt cycle, *all in the real world where no hardforks happened.* The last of which is was an hour or two ago with a friend of mine over a coffee. She is a little older than myself and we weren't talking about money at all, it was about relationships. Relationship debt. 

As is often discussed, we live in a debt cycle that is fueled by consumerism and fed by credit availability. If we want it now, we can have it but we will get it on terms and eventually pay more for it. Each cycle trims our disposable income down while pushing inflation up making what we have left with even less buying power. But, we still want more so extend further. 

Eventually, we end up in a position where we are so deep that we can no longer get what we want and have to compromise on price, quality and frequency while we watch our friends on social media flaunt the latest nonsense they have been convinced to buy. Nothing is good enough for long and the product *'improvement'* cycle is continually shortening. 

https://i.imgur.com/x9AR8CY.jpg

With so much availability and access, we have the luxury of choice and possibility of turnover if it doesn't satisfy our immediate needs. Everything becomes disposable, everything becomes irrelevant unless it gives us our shot of feel good hormones. This includes people.

What most don't seem to realize is that while all products become irrelevant, the psychological flow of process and habit extends further into other aspects of our world, including our relationships. No matter how suited someone is to us, no one is perfect but with our consumer quest, the next possibility is just around the corner, a swipe away. 

Humans have a need to feel relevant to this world, they generally need purpose which is why we can see so high and such wide ranges of emotions on this platform. People here have the tendency to feel that what they do and say *matters,* and it does. This is the strength of a community, relevancy. 

But this need circuitry is easily hackable and hijackable by replacing actually being relevant with the ideas that the void can be filled with a product. Earn this and you will be admired, buy this with your earnings and people will notice who you are, wear this and you will stand out from the crowd, you will be important and desirable. That hole for relevancy will never be filled this way but if one is convinced it can be, all efforts are made to upgrade into happiness. The consumer debt cycle, *keep buying to fill a hole that you dig with each purchase.*

Carry this thinking into relationships and relevancy is still the need except it is called *intimacy.* The most common road to depression is a failure of intimacy as it leads to loneliness and the feeling that, *no one needs us.* Irrelevance. So, just like the consumer debt cycle where we use products to fill the void, the intimacy debt cycle is driven by social interactions.

But, just like the disposable product that doesn't instantly gratify immediate desires gets thrown away, relationships that don't satisfy our intimacy requirements get thrown away too. The credit availability of always having access to more connections through social and dating apps driven by the promise lie that the *right person for you* is out there means that no matter who comes along, as soon as there is friction and conflict, worming thoughts run through the mind to the next option. 

The problem is, that just like there is no such thing as a perfect product, there is no such thing as a perfect person. Worse than this for the instant gratifying society in which we live is that in order to build the deep intimacy that can feel the void of feeling relevant and important to at least one person in this world requires time, effort, investment, long-range thinking and a willingness to give of the self, not just take for the self. 

While we live in a world of over-sharing, we aren't actually sharing at all, we are broadcasting and comparing. I send my highlights out into the void in the hope that someone watching gives it a thumbs up and it feeds my hunger. But, just like a Pringle doesn't satisfy nutritional needs of hunger, once we pop we just can't stop. Volume over connection. The more connection we purchase, the greater intimacy debt we have. 

Now, do you see why people take this place so seriously, do you see why this place and others like it will be successful? No. Read the comments sections of some of my posts. Really *read them.* 

This isn't just a social site where people give likes, hearts and stars to each other, this is a site that people are truly connecting with at fundamental levels. The conversations are varied and they can go deep. People talk about their lives, their loves, their fears. They share about monetary pressures and illness. they talk about loss. They look to find their place here and, they look to find ways to help and support others. 

It is a place where the intimacy debt is slowly being repaid, the void is being filled and funnily enough, in the process the consumer debt cycle is slowly being undermined, as is the authoritative functions that drive consumerism itself. It isn't the entire answer but, it is a start as it changes the way we interact with each other and that will flow into the world in which we live in many subtle and hidden ways until it is blatantly obvious. 

https://i.imgur.com/zrCsqt4.jpg

People continually undercut the value of the community but at the same time and in many various ways, fight tooth and nail for it because they can feel that hole of need inside filling. On Steem, people feel relevant and those who choose to be a part of the community *are* relevant and like any deep relationship, it takes time to build, adjustment, acceptance, concessions and a little bit of  goddamn patience before jumping to conclusions at the start of the conversation. 

People here are so fast to threaten to jump ship for the next promise rather than work and fix what is here. It is the consumer mindset, the debt cycle, the hungry monster that is never going to be sated no matter how much it is fed because it is designed to only eat. 

The only way to fill that intimacy void, that need to feel relevant in this world is to be part of something larger than the self and be part of a community and make a decision to work at it, fix things and like any relationship that will stand the test of time, keep finding ways to fall in love. Most importantly though, never take it all for granted. 

If you don't have the strength to build a relationship, it will always be thrown away before it can become a true love. It doesn't mean what you disposed of is broken nor unlovable and it definitely doesn't mean it is irrelevant. If you haven't noticed yet, we are at the point that you can walk away and there will still be enough people who are willing to work very hard for a future here.

*If you think this is romantic idealism, you aren't paying attention.*

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]