I am the fourth of 5 children, the last being the only girl of the five. The family was large, ages were quite spread and my mother always wanted a girl. Perhaps due to this dynamic, I was somewhat ignored in childhood, for the most part, this translated into a lack of encouragement to try and an apathetic view to pushing me to continue at what I did. 

As a result, I cannot play the piano, quit all sports by high school, was an average student who never had homework checked and was largely, left to my own devices. Perhaps, if I had had attentive parents in me as a person, they may have seen something I was interested in and encouraged me to stick with it and perhaps even excel at it. They weren't, they didn't, I do not excel at anything. 

https://i.imgur.com/9ydtJT4.jpg

For the most part, I drifted through life until becoming very ill in my mid and late teens and realised, I want more than this yet, I had no energy to do any more than open my eyes and close them again again each day. 

I'd watch my friends, filled with talent and potential playing around, drifting through life, skipping on opportunities I dreamed of. At the time, it angered me and in a way, it still does. I don't understand how people filled with potential to make this world a little brighter, sit and procrastinate, wait for opportunity, waste time.

So, I push. I know I shouldn't because everyone has their own lives to lead and the responsibility is on them to do it but, I do. At times, I may push people too hard but what if it makes a difference? What if they had similar experiences to me, not encouraged to take life seriously enough to want to be better at what they enjoy, what they are good at?

It tires me to have the same conversations with the same people over and over where they really, really want to be different yet, they want to do it without changing themselves. I see it at Steemit where people do not want to 'play the game' and want to 'do what they want' but, they want support from the game and the people within. *'I want you to love me for me, even if you have to change yourself to do it'.*

Yes, I agree that people shouldn't change for the majority but, if you are aiming for something in particular, you have to understand the dynamics and practicalities of how to get there. For me, I am looking to add value, by helping people add value and, do no harm to other's attempts to play their game, as long as they are wanting to improve too. 

It is a heart wrenching approach as some of those I invest in, time and time again choose not to invest in themselves. No one is forced to do what I say or recommend, I wouldn't even want that. But, why are so few willing to understand that if they are not where they want to be right at this moment, they are going to have to be the one to shift position? The world is not going to change for them as it is the oldest dog there is.

Some are trying to heal the world but are unwilling to build stake. Some are trying to heal themselves but are unwilling to change. Some people here are looking to increase their value at any cost, even if the cost is to the community from which their value is generated. There are all types in society. It is a challenge isn't it?

It is hard to get what we want but it is not because of fate or destiny, it is hard because in order to be somewhere else, it is us that must move, us that must act and us that must accept our failures. It takes thought and internal review, it takes reflection and consideration and it takes a whole lot of action and work to even have a real opportunity at getting there.

Yeah, I may be hard on people but, I am the hardest on myself and it is a struggle at times to look in the mirror, accept my position and know, I don't want to be here forever. Yes, I can choose to accept and stay where I am too but, where does that lead me? Do I find my passion, am I motivated, am I content in my life? Is that what you would want me to do?

What if I was a researcher close to solving energy issues or a doctor on the brink of curing cancer? Do you want me to stop? Do you want me to accept me as I am right now and sit down? It is my choice isn't it? I can stop. 

Now, I am not a researcher, nor a doctor. I just write some fiction and some thoughts about how I see life. But, there are hundreds, thousands and millions of people who are highly skilled, filled with potential and have so much to offer this world in so many ways... wasting it. Not only is it costing them, it is costing all of us. It slows us all down, harms us all but, we cannot see the tally for there to be a mark made, just like the blockchain, there must be a transaction, a move.

But, like at Steemit, it seems the most motivated, the most hungry to achieve in this world are those that want power and fortune for themselves at any cost. Those who are willing to scam and injure others, destroy the environment, enslave the poor. One must be very motivated to knowingly inflict suffering on another in order to achieve personal goals. Very motivated indeed. There may not be many of them, but, they are definitely among the most active.

How come those that are looking to make things better aren't as motivated, how come there is so much talk of improvement yet so little action. Where is the passion, the fire, the willingness to suffer for the greater good?

I have a young daughter and she is talented and takes interest in many things already. I do not know where to start but, all I know is that I will do my best to encourage her to be her best, and try my best to do no harm. There will be failures, I accept that but to do any less is unacceptable. To invest any less in myself would be unacceptable also.

We all have issues that challenge us, hinder us, slow us, hurt us. We all have aches and pains and broken hearts. But, if we aren't willing to improve ourselves and our world, others will do it for us and we will pay the high price on delivery. There is always a lot of work to be done and hopefully, always will be more to arrive.

Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]