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![IMG_0875.jpeg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/teknon/23tRxsqzPFPXLCWtr1jjaHwj5djUCwj8pQPwTw7UaVZwdqnmSQHgjLpBCZRfUafDYzJsZ.jpeg)


If I were taken deep into the woods, where the grasses grow lush and wild and springs of fresh water tumble down a cliff and before me stood a board, a brush and hues beside it, I think I’d paint my life. Not the one I’ve lived, but the one I dream of. The one that feels like soft wind. The one that smells like rain and also sounds like stillness.

It would be art, simple, honest and whole. Comfortable. Peaceful. Mine.

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If I’m being completely honest, one of the most negative thoughts I constantly wrestle with is the fear that I’ll fail in life. It’s not a thought that comes to mind every now and then but somehow it’s there, it quietly creeps in, especially on nights when I feel like I’ve done nothing worthwhile. Mostly on days when I scroll through TikTok and all that’s pushed to my FYP is see how far people my age have gone. From buying houses, to cars, owning beautiful gardens, businesses, etc. Not that I’m envious or not grateful for how far I’ve come too but those things suddenly make my own progress feel painfully small? 

It’s actually a very heavy thought to carry, the idea that maybe I’m not doing enough, or that I might never make it. And sometimes, it feels like it eats away at every bit of confidence I’ve tried to build. But lately, I’ve been learning to handle it differently.

![IMG_0874.webp](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/teknon/23vrbmg1UK8FVXg3AKW5FXFfjfwttCiPRHrJBoF1RoMNVY32v47yQB7WgvPdYSUWkyFRj.webp)

I started by curating my Pinterest feed with motivational quotes, not those overly serious ones that sound robotic anyway, but the real ones that feel like they were written by someone who’s been through it like me and survived. Also, I try to read something thoughtful on Hive every day, even if it’s just a few lines, it helps me silence that voice that tries to tell me that I’m not enough.

I’ve also been trying to speak more kindly to myself, to treat myself like I would a friend who’s struggling. Instead of dwelling on what didn’t work, I remind myself that small steps still count, and progress doesn’t always look loud or visible.

And most importantly, I’ve started working twice as hard. I work twice as hard out of fear if I’m being honest, but somewhere beneath that fear, trust me there’s belief. Belief that I can actually create the kind of life I paint in my head. 

The fear of failure still comes sometimes, but I’m learning to meet it with faith, more action and with gentler words. I haven’t been able to silence the fear completely, but I am learning to move forward in spite of it. 

<sup>[img1](https://pixabay.com/photos/water-lily-leaf-pond-lily-pad-6228200/)</sup>

<sup>[img2](https://pixabay.com/photos/rose-bloom-blossom-petals-flower-9910287/)</sup>


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