Dear #thedoctor,
      I'm sorry you're in a difficult place right now. I'm not a psychologist, and obviously wouldn't diagnose you over the internet anyway, but the situation you have described sounds like your emotions are definitely trying to tell you something. Check out http://karlamclaren.com/ingenious-stagnation-understanding-depression/    Karla McLaren has developed this amazing and effective way of interacting with your emotions called Dynamic Emotional Integration. See if it resonates with you! 
Wishing you clarity,
Uniwhisp