Forget all the bullshit how-to guides (no offense) others write! I have made this practical guide how to be amazing on Steemit for all the little minnows which we all care about. 

1. Learn how to write. I am aware that most people here already know how to write, but it is still very important! My suggestions if you don't know how to write yet is going to a school again. There might also be some courses online.
2. You will need the internet to use Steemit. So find a good internet provider now! Wait... if you are reading this already, it means you have the internet already... well, who cares that I am stating the obvious?
13. Pretend to write something important, but only state the obvious. 
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14. To enter Steemit, write www.Steemit.com in your browser.
3. Think of a funny username, which includes words such as crypto, steem, follow4follow. Instant success!
4. Join the circle! "Wait, what? What is the circle? Are you talking about the movie?" I can only say this - you'll know when you see it.
5. Steem power is same as Steem, but it gives you power. However, if platform goes down because of all the abuse, your power will be as worthy as my talent to bend my fingers.
7. Your goal is to get the attention of whales. Everything else is just a huge delusion to hide this fact.
8. To make a post, click ***Submit a Story***, write your story in the blank box, and press ***POST***. Who could have thought that it is that easy?
6. Steem dollars is something you want to send to Poloniex and never see again (this one is sad).
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9. Your goal is to get upvotes on your posts. Upvote = like in Facbook. The more upvotes from powerful people you get, the more money you make. And yes, I know this is all listed in a whitepaper and other million how-to posts throughout the year, but I feel the need to repeat it. Because... well... ehhhh... I... What else can I blog about?
10. To comment, you press comment, and then you have to write a comment. Look at the 1st point if you don't know how to write yet.
11. Never ever ever question the system and how it works as long as money is flowing. Improvements? Morality? Decent behavior? Nobody needs that! All you need is upvote4upvote.
12. Use words Steemit, Steem, and Cryptocurrency as often as you can. Because Steemit this Steem that, and then Cryptocurrency grow, the m00n, Steemit again, Steem. Steemit. Steem. Why you have to do this? Well, you want your post to be first on Google search, don't you? Also, other SEO masterz up here love to see those words used.
13. "Writingamigo, what algorithm is used to calculate the reward pool?" I would answer you, but... Stop asking stupid questions!
14. Keep telling that Steemit is the future without giving any serious arguments to support this statement. (Note: I actually believe in Steemit a lot! I just hate to see hypocrites, who don't give a shit about anything else rather than they money)
15. Buy yourself a set of pink glasses and deny deny deny everything that can contradict your income but be beneficial to the platform.

My rewards actually grew a little after HF19, but I still hate it. Steemit became a one big money milking factory where people don't even pretend to care about its future anymore because they want all the money and now.

Why am I writing this post? I don't have any illusions that people would ever listen to what I said... because all the circle jerkers already know that. I just want to practice my irony skills. We are all greedy egoistic mofos, aren't we?

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P.S. Isn't it ironic that if people were not greedy, they would earn much more in the long run? So, is it greed or stupidity?