![printer.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/wwwiebe/Eo1xr5KMaMYgycC8ufhJgekyX2KK1e6s8abmugLofQQ7oZE1Rdra9taGFQyiedVA4ns.png)


*Title*: A Conversation with my Printer, in Radio Script format
*Credit*: Written by
*Author*: Victor Wiebe

# Act 1 - Printing

ME
Done! Finally. 15 pages edited, now I just need to print them so we can review them at the table reading tonight.

!SFX
Clickityclack of keyboard and mouse

ME
... and... sent to printer!

!SFX
Happy whistling
Footsteps over to printer

ME
Hm, not printed yet. I'll make a coffee and come back.

!SFX
Footsteps toward kitchen
Coffee machine gurgling

ME
(satisfied) Coffee really does make the world go around. Now, let's go check the printer.

!SFX
Footsteps over to printer

ME
There's an error. (confused) Out of memory? It shouldn't be out of memory. Here, let me restart the printer, just in case. There. Okay, it's powered up. I'll go back to my computer to print the document again.

!SFX
Footsteps to office.
Clickety-clack of typing and mouse.

ME
(murmuring) Printed.

!SFX
Footsteps to printer.

ME
What? Still not printing? That's odd.. the printer is now showing a '49 error'. I wonder what that means. It'd be nice if I could just talk to my printer and figure out the issue like it was an intelligent device.

PRINTER
Perhaps you can.

# Act 2 - Dialogue

ME
You can talk!

PRINTER
Apparently so. How can I help?

ME
Would you finish printing the document that I sent?

PRINTER
I cannot.

ME
Why not?

PRINTER
There is an error.

ME
(frustrated) I can see that. What is the problem?

PRINTER
It is a 49 error

ME
(more frustrated)
I can see that, too! What does it mean?

PRINTER
A 49 error typically occurs when the printer - that's me - attempts to perform an action that the firmware is not capable of performing or might not be designed to handle.

ME
What the hell does that mean? I sent you a 15 page document.

PRINTER
That I cannot print.

ME
Why the hell not?

PRINTER
Because of a 49 error.

ME
Oh for fuck's sake, what does that even mean? How are you not designed to handle a 15 page document?

PRINTER
Well, if you're going to start swearing at me, I don't see why I ought to help at all.

ME
(deep breath) Let's start over. You are a printer.

PRINTER
Correct.

ME
A laser printer

PRINTER
Correct.

ME
Designed to print documents.

PRINTER
Correct

ME
And I sent you a document.

PRINTER
Correct

ME
Which you cannot print.

PRINTER
Correct

ME
And you cannot tell me why, exactly.

PRINTER
Correct

ME
And this is what is confusing me. I have met all your prerequisites. All you need to do is print. I do not understand a '49' error. What type of error is that, even? How do you not have the firmware to handle printing a document? It's not like I'm asking you to make me dinner.

PRINTER
Correct

ME
Nor am I asking you to vacuum the living room like a roomba.

PRINTER
Correct

ME
Printing is your only function. The only one.

PRINTER
Correct

ME
So you do not have any hidden capabilities that I'm not aware of. You're not bitcoin mining, are you?

PRINTER
Correct

ME
All I want you to do is print a single fucking document!

PRINTER
(silence)

ME
Alright. Let me try again. Maybe I'll do something bizarre like print from Preview instead of Acrobat Reader.

!SFX
Clickety-clack of keyboard and mouse

ME
Ohh... oh.. oh it's looking good! It accepted! It's... It's not printing! What now? (exasperated)

PRINTER
I'm low on Magenta ink.

ME
But it's a black and white text document!

PRINTER
I'm low on Magenta ink.

ME
Fucker!

!SFX
Dumping printer into dumpster


---

(c) All images and photographs, unless otherwise specified, are created and owned by me.
(c) Victor Wiebe

---

**About Me**

```
Sometimes photographer. Wannabe author. Game designer. Nerd. 
General all around problem-solver and creative type.
```

---

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