Teaching Internship Diaries in the Philippines: Is this really for me?

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·@zimmieee·
0.000 HBD
Teaching Internship Diaries in the Philippines: Is this really for me?
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Hi, hivers! It's Zimmie. I'd like to ask one thing: How do you know if something is meant for you? Dreams, perhaps?


![New Hiver Alert! (1).jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/zimmieee/23w2uRrPesgWQE2UTsnAr7AmVapw6YgebZTXwkA5iH2vLg4gvvwJYsr2EaphGJ7G5QjwA.jpg)


Most people have a lot to say about their dreams. But I am not like most people. I don't have a dream. Well, maybe, to have a purpose? 


![DB444C8C-B7DB-44EC-864F-0D8B77D3FF14.jpeg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/zimmieee/EppM9ftTUpeH8kML2HLEcQ98fBcqyMYuKNVPmgBv1f68LgEhAkSsyecuVaDTopLBNH3.jpeg)

This is my first-day off-campus internship as a pre-service teacher. My mentor or the assigned teacher I'm partnered with was not around on my first day, but she was the library-in-charge, which explains why I'm surrounded by dusty books and shelves. 


![0179bb60-23d7-4cfe-8aa6-3f2d8f4a41c8.jfif](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/zimmieee/23w2exhup51CoampHSYbnokAZyBs7fx8KRGq685wQV6G9ZWehgR3zhjkPidnb3nTb3aCa)


I travel while the moon is still out at 5:00 AM to get to 6:15 AM class without rushing. I had to be early since I live 30 minutes away from my assigned school. It's refreshing since I'm not really a morning person, and this schedule enables my body to be active again during early mornings. But also draining since I'm not a morning person, therefore, I stay up late at night. I would only have 3-4 hours of sleep during my first few weeks. And I'm a literal owl with my baggy eyes.


![ed5dc007-3b41-4c1e-bcd9-ecefb36086cc.jfif](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/zimmieee/23tRxbV6FLiz9tnQbbbFZFS81DLTYajTpZMcPvUCLk1FGnBE26pTLtVkUkyzjfwd9frJ9)

Walking alone, with the early morning breeze kissing my skin, I begin contemplating my life decisions. Am I really meant for this? Do I really want this? Did I really dream of being in this situation? When did it start to feel heavy?


![5e04a94e-3301-44f7-8087-b5b41a9aacff.jfif](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/zimmieee/23ynYtrRfYRyKtdjwe3ZBvQgZX3VxYEd2L1oq5XQAAi24mD79aGXcSRKKG8Lv57RbdrUZ)

I had my teaching demonstration while having a cough and cold. I was losing my voice, I had to use a lapel microphone in class. 


![31ee8fff-f769-412a-9ce0-43a6aa0526e5.jfif](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/zimmieee/23xyUp4MnLdDeUyqaUoAdsyMoc8YmDzUq9FUVh3sxso5VJdq2smiGPXYyLdQqkiDLYkuV)

And then I saw the students. I heard them cheer, laugh at my examples, and give the correct answers to my questions. When I asked, 'Did you learn something today?' They'd say, 'A lot.' Right then and there, all the exhaustion and pain magically healed.


I found myself already looking forward to the next day of my lecture with them. I carefully studied my lesson to make it easier for them to understand. I suddenly wanted to make sure they learned and truly understood the lesson. What has gotten into me?



![BA8F6502-BCC3-4152-8884-04B3B4912BA8.jpeg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/zimmieee/48J9RmbzAAkhfKS5LGLb6Ha2BSKkdF2V9n3sAeSQkhbXGAgjmyBjMbRD6JHyrzH8DF.jpeg)

One time, I was so demotivated that I even rethought whether my decisions were right. I was also affected by how certain students were difficult to handle. But what is this? Why do I feel fulfilled?


![42015031-cdf0-4669-9ebc-df0808714348.jfif](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/zimmieee/242NcosKK1YRkMJ5dguH2W4XH4RVzzfxzm22pfVmJZEWmsVqfRMkvboTQuSTvYseCEPQJ)

Why do the dusty shelves in the library don't bother me anymore? 


![36f17b64-7f45-4b6c-8a98-bb489075ac12.jfif](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/zimmieee/23wX3o5aAVFnA7SotCpynoLAVXnt7MXGzutf35o5f5ALZAkYg2oXHanfcNjjJp71gBq7R)

How did I return to reading to keep my sanity despite the struggle? 

Perhaps I have found purpose in both my personal and academic/professional worlds.

I guess that's the key—finding purpose is the only drive to keep me headstrong. After all, it's my only dream. How about you, dear hivers? What's your dream?
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