![P_20171223_090929_BF.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmaiN6XNqUucWUirJER7aJtHDAHGEwucRVah1JbzmXicCU/P_20171223_090929_BF.jpg)

I was so apprehensive in getting dialysis lately that it scares me to go because of the series of hypotension bouts that I had a few sessions before this one that I had today. But today was glorifiedly ended and it finished without much of a problem. But the only thing was that my dialysis nurse adjusted my dry weight (My actual weight without additional water inside me) into a much heavier me. It simply means that I will have to really save some drinking only when I needed to drink or I will just waterlog myself into breathlessness.

It is hard to have a backbone problem as a complication of being a dialysis patient.. It seems that fate just hates me and my future just cursed me even before I make some history of myself. It is because of the day-to-day agony that I have to endure just to live my life. So I am just using much of my resources and energy and intellect to be as fruitful as I can be so I can be a better person in the sight of other people and God too.

Now that my dry weight had been adjusted I have to test it again and try again halfway back to about .5 Kg lighter. If I did get hypotension again in that weight then it will not be my dry weight but this heavier me. I now have less allowance to drink fluids but at least when in dialysis I will finish the whole session and not waste the valuable minutes of cleaning my blood.

A few days ago I just had a frightening condition where I just thought that my heart would stop because it was beating irregularly and I am feeling the signs of a low blood pressure. I just hate that feeling where I have to struggle in maintaining my consciousness because that twilight between passing out and conscious is not a good feeling at all as it is stressful.

The cold weather also makes things bad because with this cool weather I do not produce sweat which means that I cannot expel extra water from my body through perspiration so all the liquids that I take easily accumulates. That is the disadvantage of a hemodialysis because water can only be taken out twice or thrice a week in comparison to the other type of dialysis which gives you a greater freedom in drinking, eating, etc. but only has a risk of abdominal infection. 

Now things will get harder for me as my world gets smaller and smaller with all these things that I have to adjust so I can live without more discomfort while sacrificing some of my basic things like a simple drinking of water in which I did not control will make me feel more ill, it will be my life in the remainder of my days now.