<center>


![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/jaynie/23xL9ARwhNYzsGjPA1Jmm6XhpoWnXwB3AN5y4PV1Hi5ZmbvGAnRiL9Se6uYYukoJ9pDYx.png)




> “It is a crowning moment to witness someone realise that you love yourself more than you love them. That you want yourself more than you want them. I will become a collector of such crowns, they shall line my walls and windows.”
― C. JoyBell C.

<div class="text-justify">

***Shine on you crazy diamond*** is the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWGE9Gi0bB0), in fact – the mood too.  Interestingly enough, also my very first tweet of the day. 

<center>


[![Untitled.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/jaynie/23tHbYGcadxGzo4Xp81eyRqG7ZRqQ12RGLDkRvJsXC9PUS3ck8qwWTSBfXSJcf9nvsJMz.png)](https://twitter.com/jaynielea)


<div class="text-justify">

There has been a LOT swirling in my sphere of late… literally rollercoaster ride enough to make even the toughest constitution ill. Pulled left, yanked to the right and then again in reverse… all the while, I stand in the middle contemplating the “me” of it all. When does the “I” actually get a chance to shine all on its own?! I am guessing never… if I don’t actually stand up and make that decision – stick my feet in the ground!

I may be a person that can make hard and fast business decisions, but when it comes to matters of emotion – I am a different being entirely… weaker really – or perhaps the word I am looking for is “vulnerable”. People of all shapes, sizes and personalities seem to sniff this out in a millisecond and I always end up with the short fncking stick  - my own doing, yes – but one which I am working on changing. 

I guess what I am saying is that I just don’t have enough petrol left in me to take on the pressures of others. I have literally spent a lifetime doing precisely that and not only is my own tank empty, reserve drained, dried and depleted but I stand realising that in this instance there is nothing left for me… no fuel for me to push my own boat forward. Now, more than ever I want to raise my sails but in order to do this, I am going to have to put myself first and others second. I wonder if they will understand?! Likely not – because that is humans for you…

I will do it regardless, because I have waited long enough. Easy - No!  Necessary… absolutely yes! Maturity is a curious thing really… when we need it, we don’t have it and when we have it we are never entirely sure what the fnck to do with it! We weigh up 101 potential outcomes to one single situation. Give that dilemma to a kid and he will have one solution for one dilemma. Adults complicate things.  I have long since been of the opinion that us “adults” should try and learn from kids… and where I stand right now in my life, I am actually trying to exercise exactly that! What does that mean? Well, in simplicity – it means I act on ***how I feel*** and NOT by what is “expected of me”.  I am SO tired of auto-operating just so that others get what they want.  I am also fncking tired of not getting what I need, let alone want… and so the change brews! 

Other people often seem to have greater visions of “YOU” than even you have for yourself… and perhaps this leaves them somewhat disappointed… disgruntled even. I just don’t have time nor energy anymore for fncking DRAMA! The world seems to thrive on it, right to the smallest form – and I want no part in it!!!! I have had my fair share and you know what, it all ends up in the same place – and that is no longer a space which I consciously choose to occupy – I will ***smile and wave baby… smile and fncking wave!!!***


<center>

> “The foundation of your self-esteem should come from within. That's where real confidence starts. So if you're not already in the habit of telling yourself why you're awesome, start doing that NOW.” ― Ranatta Philip











</div>


❤❤❤


***Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea***

![ll.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/jaynie/tzd9OkXx-ll.png)

<sub> JOIN US ON [DISCORD](https://discord.gg/By4EvZSfRx)</sub>
<sub> SUBSCRIBE TO THE **LIFESTYLE LOUNGE COMMUNITY** [HERE](https://peakd.com/c/hive-114105/created)</sub>
<sub> JOIN US ON [TWITTER](https://twitter.com/lifestyleloung)</sub>
</center>





<br>

![text15.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmWXynVma7pYo3MCivJ5Cb6Nfae2uMGNt11YGxqysBGqBW/text15.png)


<sub> ALL IMAGES ARE MY PROPERTY UNLESS OTHERWISE CREDITED </sub>

</center>