Replay ...Part 25 ...Heaven, Hell...or Somewhere Else?
writing·@johnjgeddes·
0.000 HBDReplay ...Part 25 ...Heaven, Hell...or Somewhere Else?
<br><br> <center> *What if a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: 'This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live innumerable times more.' Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? ― Friedrich Nietzsche* </center> <br><br><center>  *Confessor*</center> <br><br>I was in a quandary, perplexed over what to tell Paige about my hellish experience while taking Remnisivere―an experimental drug with a psychedelic component. The drug trial was somewhat risky in one respect―using a psychoactive agent with truth-telling properties might allow repressed memories to come to the surface but might also produce the most florid fantasies. Aldous Huxley saw the research chemical as possessing promising properties ranging from aesthetic experiences to sacramental visions, but he also saw it as a chemical key to unlocking the mystical dimension. But what I experienced was so subjective it felt like an orgiastic dream and depending on your bent that was either pleasurable or disturbing. Since, in my case, it involved one of my students, it was also embarrassing. <br><br>To confound matters, Paige invited me out to *Sotto Sotto*, a romantic restaurant, to celebrate our collaboration but also to debrief me regarding my experiences while under the drug's influence. I was toying with the possibility of substituting an anonymous femme fatale for Sylvia, my student, simply to avoid embarrassment. But the question was, whose discomfiture was I trying to ease? Truth was, I had feelings for Paige and being honest wouldn't doom our relationship, but would definitely complicate it. <br><br>Telling Paige the truth would ease my conscience and unload some of the burden of guilt I was feeling. But would that be fair? I'd be using Paige as my confessor and probably seeking absolution, not only for my feelings for Sylvia but also my dalliance with Sarah... Okay, I know...Sarah's right, I am a player. And the worst part is, this might not be a repressed memory, but a glimpse into my future. <br><br> The candlelit atmosphere of the restaurant would ordinarily be romantic, but not tonight―not while I'm struggling with guilt and embarrassment. The waiter takes our order and drops a bottle of *YellowTale* cab sav. In my nervousness I gulp half the glass. Paige arches an eyebrow. "Am I going to be the designated driver?" I colour, "Sorry, I guess the stress of the day got to me." "I thought you were laid back and relaxed―what are you saying―that the drug produced some unwanted effects?" I drop my head and mutter, "Yeah, something happened that was totally unexpected." <br><br> Her eyes are huge and dark but filled with compassion. "I'm so sorry, Cole―I thought everything went well. I would never have asked you out tonight to celebrate if I thought you experienced an adverse effect." "No, it's not as simple as that, I'm afraid. I'm not even sure it can be classified as adverse effect. Some might find it pleasurable." "Okay, my curiosity is piqued. What exactly happened to you?" "I experienced a prolonged orgiastic dream." <br><br>I'll never forget the look in her eyes. It was a combination of shock, horror and disbelief. "How could that occur? We followed a preset script. I guided you each step of the way..." And then she paused in embarrassment. "Oh!" she gasped, "was the dream about me?" I wanted to say yes, but couldn't lie. "No, as embarrassing as it is to admit, it involved one of my students." Her eyes were moist. "Which one?" she whispered. "Sylvie Lavigne―the girl from Montreal." She nodded. "I thought so―the way she looks at you and she's so beautiful." <br><br>I rubbed my forehead trying to clear my thoughts. "This is crazy," I said exasperated. "You can't be responsible for your dreams, including wet ones." I wanted to fall through the floor―disappear―or run away and never have to face her again. I felt sick. But Paige, being who she is, reached out her hand and grasped mine to console me and instead lit a fire in me. The surprise in her eyes confirmed that she felt what I was feeling. <br><br>I was at a loss for words. My mind went blank. "This makes no sense," she reassured me. "I was guiding you and you were susceptible to my instructions." I shook my head. "Unless, there are other properties of the drug that were heightened by the action of Luteolin and Mementine in the compound." She dissented strongly. "I know you think it was a glimpse of the future, but I think it was a reaction to the mescaline―it was an acid trip because the formulation was just off a bit and incorporated a past dream with a hallucination." <br><br>My jaw dropped and I stared at her. *Of course! What she said made sense. That's why parts of the experience seemed familiar and other parts were totally foreign.* "I've got to admit, you've got a point. But why did the script not work?" Her forehead furrowed while she paused to think. "Hmm, I'm not sure, but I'll have Nigel look into it tomorrow and see what he can figure out. He's a genius at diagnosing these problems." "Well, that gives me some hope that our entire trial won't have to be put on hold if it's simply a dosage problem." <br><br>At that point our food arrived. The pasta was appetizing and its spicy aroma heavenly. My appetite suddenly returned. Paige reached across and refilled my wine glass. "There's reason to hope for success. I think we should toast to that." "I agree," I smiled, clinking my glass with hers. "And by the way, just for the record, I wish it had been you in the dream instead of Sylvie." She laughed,"I'm not sure how I should react to that, but I'll take it as a compliment." Her cheeks were suffused with a faint pink blush though, so I gathered my remark reassured her. <br><br> <center>To be continued…</center> <br><center>© 2021, John J Geddes. All rights reserved</center> <br><center>[Photo](https://www.wallpaperflare.com/models-anastasiya-scheglova-black-white-face-girl-wallpaper-qyzyi)</center> <br><br>
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