The Trader
life·@meesterboom·
0.000 HBDThe Trader
 *Awrite Boomdawg!* I looked up. My [Bitcoin purchasing colleague](https://steemit.com/life/@meesterboom/the-dealer) landed in the chair in front of me as if falling from a great height. He looked awfully pleased with himself. I narrowed my eyes at him, there was something off. Had he been drinking perhaps? *How you doin?* He sneered at me in a passive/aggressive love-hate-fighty way. It seemed as if he was desperate to share something. I hoped fervently that he hadn't been *goosing the bishop* in the toilets. I could do without hearing about that.  *So Boomdawg. Remember that Bitcoin you sold me?* Oh lord, here we go. *How could I forget.* Bitcoin boy spun around slowly on the chair. *Well, turns out I took it a wee bit further.* His smugness was threatening to explode all over both of us like the ejaculate from a small dog.  *Oh really. And what have you __taken further?__* He stopped the spinning of his chair and looked around conspiratorially. After he ascertained the coast as being clear he scooched forward. His eyes bulging like tennis balls in a sock. *I decided to... diversify my portfolio...* He snapped back and gazed intently at me. As if expecting me to fall to my knees and sloppily felate him. *Diversify your portfolio?* The urge to boast was making him tremble like a cat about to wipe its anal glands on something. *I have become a trader in cryptos.*  Somewhere a mic dropped but there was no one to hear it so it might not have happened. *A trader eh. Is it going well?* He flicked out his phone and opened the Blockfolio app. He waved it at me like Mr Miyagi *waxing off.* *You could say that Boomdawg. Made a few gains. Sitting quite pretty.* I took his phone and looked. He leaned way back in his seat till it threatened to topple and tucked his hands firmly behind his head. *I guess you could say... that sometimes the student... becomes the Master, eh Booom __dawg?__* He gave a tiny snort of derision like a woman would at his penis.  I passed him back his phone. Now it was my turn to cross my hands behind my head. *The things is matey chops. I sold you 0.014 BTC worth at the time, about 50 quid, yes?* *Yup.* Bitcoin boy shot an imaginary assassin descending from the roof with an imaginary pistol. *Your Blockfolio app shows that your "portfolio" is worth 64 quid, yes?* *Oh yes Boomdawgydawg. 14 buckeroos, straight profit. If I keep going at this rate I would more than __double__ my money in a year.* He pulled at a train whistle only he could see and made a *whoot whoot* noise.  I pulled my own phone out now and googled BTC to GBP and tapped in 0.014. I showed him the screen.  *So if you had done diddly fucking squat and just sat on your Bitcoin like a __Master__... You would have made way more than double in three months...?* He snarled like a wild dog would at a cucumber. *What?! That's just shit. This fucking shit is rigged man. I fucking knew it, it's all a fucking scam.* His face was as red as my lucky left testicle as he got up and stomped off muttering about scams and internets. I went back to counting down the days till Christmas with a big ole smile on my face. 
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