(This poem originally appeared on [my personal blog](https://www.sumayyahsaidso.com/2011/08/disconnected/) in 2011.)

disconnected

i’m exposed
open to the core
showing my fear
everything that i’ve hidden
underneath my torn skin
i’m finally visible
wincing in the
bright light
shaking with rage
from the intense
scrutiny
i’m naked
halfway ashamed
for showing my sin
daring you to ask
why i did what i did

i’m no angel
got a halo that’s tarnished
cracked and bent in places
held together and attached
by super glue and tape
wings made of leather
and studded with holes
i gave up on trying to fly
when i fell i landed
on my knees
already in position to beg
kept my head bowed
so i wouldn’t see
the eyes that pitied me
or filled with glee

this wisdom makes no sense
what’s the use of clarity
when my soul inside
has died
and i’m barely hanging on
breathing because i have no choice
my tears feel safe and warm
and the body of my world is cold

why didn’t anybody ever tell me
that’s impossible
to live alone

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