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On Saturday, we have a wedding to attend - the first one in what must be about four years I think, which is probably due to our age - most people we know are married already or, already divorced. 

>They don't make relationships like they used to.

*And I think that it is only going to get worse.*


![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/243qF4ajn7c4bpnPTsSKFa1A1NnMU3Rr6YC5JG4ShyDxAddSSor4BsvKNrAMUhwBovbiw.png)


I feel like a lot of the interpersonal skills required for successful relationships have been lost, as people have taken the individualist approach to life, turning others into a disposable commodity, only wanted when needed. This of course turns everyone disposable and through the ways people meet, an "on-demand" product, always available. 

However, that in itself causes a problem, because there is very little incentive to build a lasting relationship, which might be great for a while, but as someone ages and *no one knows who they are* through shared experience and connection over a longer period of time, I suspect that many are going to feel quite lonely and isolated. Individualism puts us on an island and many are going to find, that by the time they realize they want off, there are no more boats.

So many people I talk to about this seem to think that changing culture will account for this, so people will have different expectations about life. However, I think that evolution is not going to come close to moving fast enough to break our human needs of intimacy, love and shared caring. I think that there are things that the majority of people can't do without and while it is possible to ignore it for a while through substitute and distraction, eventually that gnawing hole takes draws the attention.  

Look at the problems of the world today and so many of them can be attributed to dysfunctional social elements, where depression is rising, violence is increasing, trust is falling and the ability to discuss openly is almost non-existent. This has been conditioned, encouraged and engrained into us, whether intentionally or just through the incentives of wealth maximization. Individuals spend more than couples, so business activity will naturally align to increase shareholder wealth, regardless of whether it is good for society or not - They don't even think about whether what they do is better or worse for the world - as long as it makes money.

But we don't think either, because we are now on-demand, instant gratifiers. We want what we want now and we are willing to pay extra for it, even if it is going to cost us more down the road. We are taking on debt, but it isn't just monetarily, it is socially also.

We hear about building social collateral, but there is an opposite of that too, isn't there? *Social debt* - and I don't mean a debt to society we owe, but the cost of our social behaviors now, that will cost us social possibility in the future. So many of us have lived under the call of "independence" only to discover down the track that, we actually need and *want* company. We want to have people who are close to us, know us and we know them. 

But, the exuberance of youth that used to go into building social networks, has been leveraged to build walls of isolation and disconnection. And, the places we used to gather to meet and share experiences, have been replaced by topic silos that encourage polarization and extremisms of thought instead. And, these go unchecked, because we do not need to maintain a consistent self, we can shift from one topic to the next, even if they are in direct conflict, without social implication or consequence - as not only does no one know us,

>No one cares who we are either.

Look at those streams of selfies that people post to Instagram and realize that, there is only one person that those images are for. Imagine going to someone's home and sitting down as they flick through photo after photo of themselves in albums, while you ooh and aah over them. It would be considered very strange behavior indeed. 

Yet, this unreality of the internet has made strange behavior the norm and has fed for a narrowing of content topic, because we are able to demand precisely what we want, when we want it. There is very little chance for random information let alone interaction, and close to zero chance of actually meeting people that we could grow to care about deeply. Or they us.

That kind of caring takes time to develop and in an on-demand world where  children can no longer "commit" to sitting through a full movie, what are the chances of them committing to get to know someone, failing multiple times to meet the "right one" and then, working to spend the rest of their life with them. So, these days, you will see a growing number of stories saying that we aren't meant to be monogamous. Well, we are also made to eat as much sugar as we can and store the energy it provides as fat.

>Oh, people are doing that too...

But, is it healthy? Does it make us happy? What is the purpose of this life if we live it as individuals? What is the purpose if we never connect with others deeply? What happens to our behavior, when we no longer have to think about the future conditions? After all, we only get one life, so who cares what happens after that if we don't have children?

It is not only socially dysfunctional, it is also self-destructive. But, very few are going to look up from their phones for long enough to realize it, until it is too late. 

>The *purpose of life,* has passed them by.

And yes, everyone can build their own purpose and meaning in this life and it can be different for each. But, why are so many consuming what is fed them, because they have been conditioned to believe that it is the meaning? Where is the "happiness" to be found when we do not create our own experience, we do not create anything? Where does our sense of self-worth and satisfaction come from, when we do nothing and have nothing that is *our own?*

Marriage isn't about the certificate or legal aspects at all - it is making a commitment to another person to share experiences and try to be the best for them. And in return, they commit and try to be their best too. 

>There is a lot of failure in the process, a lot of conflict and discomfort. 

But, that is how we become our best.

For better or worse.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]


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