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Why???

Where did we fail...

How can we make it better...

This will cost an arm and leg...

Thoughts kept running in my mind as I tried to process everything today when we left the clinic earlier this morning. For now, Dyn has been diagnosed with Global Developmental Delay, but if there are no other improvements after months of therapies and exposure, she might receive a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum.


For context, we went to [Sandbox Clinic](https://www.facebook.com/SandboxClinic) to get a diagnosis for Dyn-dyn's delay in speech. We know that there is something wrong, but we cannot point out what it is and how we can improve.

Before coming to the clinic, we already had an idea of what could be her case. The signs are screaming already, so we somehow know the results as we have consumed a lot of media from articles, videos, and even advice from doctors we saw online. But the fact that it is being stated to you by the expert in your face and explaining everything is a total shocker.


That was the hardest 1 hour of my life as a parent when Dyn was being evaluated by the doctor, we just looked at her and did not even interact as we were told by the Developmental Pedia to not interfere and join our kid so that she could hear what our child is saying.

The tests were simple, such as determining the colors, puzzle solving, question and answer, singing ABCs, etc. At first, we were confident that Dyn could answer colors by singing ABCs and counting. We were also asked if she could walk by herself and not tripping over and even climbing the stairs up and down.





She knows it by heart and when she answered it to her doctor, we were happy that she could do so. But for the socialization test, imaginative play, etc this is where she falls short.

She gave her stackables, a cup, and a race car. We let her play and were advised that we should just look at her and not interact with our child **unless she calls us** I know that it may not happen as she rarely calls us. 

We saw her frustration. She just sang some songs that were on the top of her head, but other than that, after singing, she became frustrated again and continued playing. It is a heartbreaking experience for me. I am getting teary-eyed about what is happening, but I need to be strong on what's to come.

After those tests, the pediatrician told us what could be Dyn's case. She said that though it is good that Dyn does know the parts of her body, and has [*splinter skills*](https://autismawarenesscentre.com/what-are-splinter-skills/) as the pattern of learning should be, speaking and interacting first before knowing ABC, colors and animals and reading.

Somehow it is an AHA moment for me, as Dyn can sing songs and memorize tunes easily. She can read words repeatedly shown to her, but then again, it shouldn't be the case. She needs first to become more verbal and give cues to us before she can spell everything and sing a song for us.

The doctor said and hoped that it was just a delay and that if it was we should take action immediately to catch up with the missing pieces. We were told to get both occupational and speech therapies twice a week for the next three months and after that, enroll Dyn in a playschool so that she can have interaction with other people outside our home.

We want to, but all of them are costly. Each session costs more or less than 2,000 PHP, thus computing everything we might spend more than $2,000.00 on everything. (This is just a ballpark figure. It may decrease or increase depending on other stuff)

After thanking the doctor, she mentioned letting our child play in a nearby park first to try and explore as she needs that often.




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We let her roam around and did not hold her hand for the time being. This is something that I rarely do every time we are outside, as I want to make sure that she is safe. 

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We also saw small stairs that didn't have any handles. April advised to let Dyn climb up and down on the stairs on her own and we will just supervise her. Again, this is something that I will never do, as I am afraid that he might fall over. But I reminded myself that I needed to let her do it or else she would not learn, as her overprotective father would always be around to keep her safe. 

We met with @romeskie before we left BGC as she was around the area and each time I went to Taguig I notified her for a mini face-to-face meet-up.

April and Rome talked about Dyn's case and gave some positive words and affirmation, she knows that the battle will be hard in the future but hopes that we can also make everything better. It is always a blessing to have one parent friend that you can tap on during these hard times as both April and I have a small circle of friends to start with.

We bid goodbye to Rome after some chitchat as she and Aya have other errands to do and we need to go home as well since the travel time is quite long. We arrived at our home around 4:30 in the afternoon and bathed Dyn.

While we were drying her body and hair with a towel she said (*yakap*) hugs and hugged me tightly. My tears started to fall, and I just hugged her back and said I love you Dyn-dyn recalling these while writing this blog makes me sob again. I never knew that I would be emotional as I never was before. Being a parent changed me to this. I hate this feeling of being helpless as I can do stuff on my own but this is beyond my control I just leave it in the hands of the Almighty one. 

After she was fully dressed, we played and tried to incorporate some activities into her. She is getting confused about what is going on as April and I tried to play with the toys and tried teaching her to say the exact words instead of her usual songs. She cried because of frustration and we just hugged her back saying sorry. She stopped for a while shouted the word *yakap* and returned the hugs that we gave.

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I was contemplating if I should include the next text after this post as it was never my nature to ask for any help but this thing is so important to me that I will swallow my pride and seek assistance because we are running short.

If you can donate or provide some financial assistance with Hive/HBD for the funding of Dyn's therapies, it would be extremely helpful, and I would be deeply grateful. I understand that this might be a long shot and I am not that expectant though as we are all saving up for something, and have our battle, so no worries.

I sincerely appreciate any support you can offer and thank you for your time.